Thursday, December 18, 2014

This Life

This life... I've read the reverb prompts every single day.  Some make me think and want to write. The problem I have is the whole point of reverb: reflecting.

I've spent a lot of time reflecting on past failures as well as successes. I try to learn from each and every life experience I have.

Today? Right this moment,  I'm far too happy to focus on anything but this moment.  This morning I woke to the smell of coffee brewing and Chris smiling down at me. To my left, a chubby cheeked baby slept snuggled into the crook of my arm.  She stirred, her eyes opened and she looked up at me. Immediately a smile spread across her face and a big dimple appeared in that soft pudgy cheek.

"How are my perfect girls?"

We use the term perfect for each other, even though we both have flaws. Because we are perfect for one another. His privacy loving weird and my put everything out there for the world to see weird. His worry, plan, think. My leap before I look. His music to my poetry. It works.  He might lose his keys all the time and decide suddenly to change where we keep the blender. And I might get lost in words and leave dishes in the sink too long. But it works. My temper might flare quickly, but his ability to stay calm helps stomp out what might turn into a rage otherwise. We are far from perfect. But to each other we are.

And this baby. I am so enamored with her. Sometimes,  I stare at her as she sleeps. I'm mesmerized by her; the shape of her eyes, her giggle, and gummy dimpled grin, the smell of her soft baby hair. All of it. I don't know if you've ever spent the night with a sweet baby snuggled into your body, but trust me when I say it's heaven on Earth. I can look back and reflect on the year but most was spent growing her. Now that she's here and healthy, I just want to enjoy the moment and live for the day.

I am in love with my life. I am sure some could find flaws. I am sure some might find it utterly boring and dreadful.  I'm not saying it's perfect. But it's perfect for me.  So there's really no need to reflect on how I got here. I know. I made a lot of mistakes and endured a lot of tragedies.  I learned and was somehow, in spite of everything, able to stay optimistic and open to letting people into my heart. If I could freeze time and stay in this moment, I would. Instead, I'm going to appreciate and focus on it. Because for me, it's perfect. The past needs to stay there and I don't want to rush the future. This moment is good enough.