Monday, August 18, 2014

Reverb 14: August Transitions

Transition | Transition of seasons; from single to couple; from couple to parents; from one to many.  It's that time of year when the high summer sun starts to sink and we all start to long for long sleeves.  How is your life changing.  How are YOU changing?

Funny this reverb question should appear in my email today. Last night I had a meeting for the Heart Heroes.  I felt fine but as we met and talked Braxton Hicks started. Braxton Hicks are warm up contractions.  They aren't labor but the body's way of getting ready for labor. 

Braxton Hicks in the evening are standard at this point.  I usually have a couple.  No big deal.  When I got home Chris was working on a project and needed some help. Braxton Hicks continued.  I went to bed and woke up at 2am to more Braxton Hicks.  I should explain that my autoimmune disease impacts connective tissue and the process of giving birth involves connective tissue.  I do not go into labor on my own.  Otherwise,  I would have went in at 2.  My face was red, like I'd been working out, and my whole body was uncomfortable.  I knew to just try to sleep.  I woke again at 5 to more, the same red face and hot flashes.  It's been happening all day.  Seems like a total waste since it's not going to produce the intended results. Except.'s good for baby too. We are both getting ready for a change.  Transitioning from one to two.

We are all transitioning here. Chris is becoming a Father. G is going from baby to big Brother. And puberty has reared its smelly, cracking voice, nose blemishing head. We are all entering a new phase. The sun is trading places with the moon earlier.  The garden is ripe for the picking. The fall seeds are working their magic underground. Berry season is over, apple and pumpkin season will start soon. Summer, pregnancy,  and sweet innocent childhood are ending. Something new is on the horizon. 

For me, the change is big. I've always viewed myself as a Mother to boys. So this identity is new. The space between babies is so great I find myself in a different world. The bottles I used with both my boys no longer exist. Everyone seems crazy over a little seat that makes me scratch my head. In some ways things I wanted to do then are easier. More Moms make their own baby food and use cloth diapers.  My wonky weird ideas are more normal now. And because they are, supplies to do those things are easily obtained.  

My identity as a Mother is much, much different.  Over 30 means lumped into advanced maternal age. It means my socio-economic status has changed. Chris and I debate college funds and when we can take her on vacation, not how the heck the electric bill is getting paid. Ironically, my old age and easier time with finances has made me more frugal?  We could buy that...but do we actually need it? I tell Chris all the time, of all the fancy adorable things out there, baby really needs very little. Technically, as a tiny infant she could sleep in a laundry basket safely.  She won't but... My priorities as a Mother have changed. 

When I got pregnant with B and imagined having a girl, I imagined dance and gymnastics lessons.  With her I'm thinking computers, coding, math and science.  I think martial arts classes and music. Obviously her interests will dictate what she does, but as a woman I want her to have all the advantages I can give her in the world. I'm less concerned with making her a beautiful, graceful thing and more concerned with making sure if she wants to be a CEO, she has all the tools she needs. I am a different woman now. I'm thankful I had my boys first. They changed me for the better. I am sure young Mom me would have put so much pressure on a little girl. But young Mom me had a boy forcing a loss of expectations. He needed to be smart not pretty. And now, I'll arm my daughter the same way.